Friday, February 2, 2018

Sky: WTF

My watching self wonders what’s up as I stand in a corner holding my head in two hands.

My deeper self, now shaking and watching the floor, doesn’t have to wonder…it sets off the alarm, at first a discrete beep and a small warning light, increasing in volume and intensity if ignored.

World Triage Filter                 World Triage Filter                 World Triage Filter 

                      World Triage Filter                          World Triage Filter 

             World Triage Filter                                                  World Triage Filter 
World Triage Filter 
                                 World Triage Filter 
                                                                    World Triage Filter 
                                                                                                      World Triage Filter 
             World Triage Filter 

                                                     World Triage Filter 

What, you may ask, is this “W T F” business? The short (and completely un-medical) answer is that it’s the critical part of our brain that evaluates and tries to make sense of all the incoming information from the hyper-complex outside world. 

Triage in times of crisis. 

Steadiness as we move through our days. 

Strength to keep psychosis at bay.

And, yes, WTF monitors our interactions with the whole entire world, as well as our internal reactions as we do so. Important job.

When my filter is working only intermittently, I lose its vital services of screening, sorting, prioritizing and generally working with incoming data. Here’s an example: The other day the discussion at the dinner table drifted to money and finances for some reason. It wasn’t a heated or a difficult conversation, yet I soon heard the beeps and flashing lights from the WTF. For some reason, my filter was not available to modulate as the background noise somehow got turned up and up, and in the end, it was all I could hear. 

I haven’t really got much to complain about because most of the time my inner filter works just like it always has, humming along in the background.

But when that filter isn’t reliably doing its thing, my brain is working with a budget FlipPhone, not the latest SmartPhone. Every incoming message interrupts the processing of the whole unit, instead of discretely passing along a text for me to deal with when the time is right. A metaphorical SmartPhone could also help by acting as a conduit to bring in more information to help sort through a problem, or at the least provide some comfortable music or maybe a cat video to take the edge off.

I’m coming to see that one my regular chores ought to be monitoring that oh-so-important WTF to extend its useful life:
  • Keep it clean and fresh…no crud
  • Work out a regular plan for time off to recharge
  • Avoid unscheduled shut downs


With my hands, I fashion
my own cradle
For a hurting brain.

1 comment:

  1. Once again, Sky, your post helps me to briefly walk in your shoes. It is so incredibly helpful. It is a very difficult thing to do and you do it so well. Your straight forward explanations followed by examples and metaphors so eloquently teach me a bit about what it's like to live with the immense changes you are experiencing. When I was teaching and working with kids who approached the world differently from the way I do I searched for authentic accounts of their perspectives. When I was lucky enough to find some it made all the difference in how I worked with someone. I learned what it was like to live with a super sensitive sensory system and what it was like to live with visual motor system that was askew. You are writing a manual for us, helping us to understand. Thank you so much! And BTW did you write this poem?! It's beautiful! I picture you holding your head in your hands. It makes me smile and cry at the same time. Mary Y.